Maybe now that we are older?
by thegreatfuckingnorthernrun
Summary: After Freddie's death, Emily and Naomi weren't able to make their relationship work. What happens when they bump into each other three years after the breakup? Will being older mean they are any wiser?
1. Chapter 1

**I, like many of you, have my own thoughts about how the Naomily storyline went after S4 ended. Here is my version. **

Early morning sunshine creeps in steadily through the thin, dusty curtains of the small, messy room. Dirty clothes lay here and there across the worn out brown carpet. A desk sits in the corner of the room: papers, textbooks, and take out containers scattered carelessly across the surface. A laptop illuminates the semi dark room with a flashing blue light every few seconds from it's position on the night stand, and amongst all the chaos, Naomi lays flat on her back in bed. She has her eyes shut, a slight frown corrupting her stunning features.

"_I've loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was twelve. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you, and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know loving a girl, that I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work. When we got together, it scared the shit outta me, because..._ _you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away and made you think things were your fault, but really I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl, Sophia, to kind of spite you for having that hold on me, and I'm a total fucking coward, because I got these, these tickets to Goa for us three months ago, but I, I couldn't stand... I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back, and it's horrible, it's so horrible... because, really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it's killing me."_

Naomi turns over, and buries her head in a pillow trying to escape the sun. She doesn't even attempt to escape the thoughts, she's never been able to, and that's part of the problem. Her mind is once again mulling over the question '_where did it all go so wrong?'. _ She supposes there are several answers to that question. Really, it all started going wrong on a cold, gloomy day many years ago. Naomi reaches behind her for her blankets, and pulls them over her body as she lets the memory overwhelm her.

"_Mum would you hurry up! I'm already late."_

"_I'll be right there, just head to the car." her mum shouts down the stairs at her. _

_Rolling her eyes, Naomi makes her way to the beat up car that her mother rarely uses 'It's not good for the planet sweetheart. Besides it's more fun to ride a bike anyway'. Her mum only drives her to school on the first day of classes each year. Her mum thought it was a nice family tradition or some bullocks. Truthfully, Naomi wouldn't have minded if it didn't make her late every year. _

"_Okay, you ready sweetheart?" her mum asks finally making it out of the house._

_Naomi doesn't respond, just opens the car door when her mum unlocks it._

_Thankfully, when she gets to school the opening assembly is letting out, and she joins the crowd making their way to their first class._

_She's about to go through the door to her maths class when a brown haired girl, who smells strongly of hair spray, rudely pushes her way into the classroom. Naomi's about to make a scathing remark, but another brown haired girl, who smells like some sort of wonderful flower follows the young girl into the classroom. The good smelling girl turns around and looks at Naomi with kind brown eyes. She gives Naomi an apologetic glance, before sitting down next to who Naomi assumes is her twin sister. _

_A few minutes later she learns that the twins just moved here from another part of Bristol. The rude one is Katie, and the wonderful smelling one is Emily._

Naomi snuggles further into her bed. Truthfully, she doesn't know when it truly went wrong with Emily. The entire time she had known Emily, from that day in maths class to the last time she saw her three years ago, it had been a series of ups and downs. That night in the shed Naomi thought that her and Emily would work. However, Freddie's murder and the ripple effect it had on everyone didn't allow them, the time, to truly work things out. She wonders now if things had been different, if Freddie hadn't been murdered, if they could have made things work. Cook was immediately put on trail for killing Foster, Effy ended up back in the hospital, and Emily spent countless evenings consoling Katie, after Katie got home from being with Effy all day at the hospital.

They managed to stay together a year after Freddie's death. They didn't end up going to Goa, because Emily refused to leave Katie for that long. Naomi had tried to get Emily to go, saying that they needed time to work on their relationship. Emily in turn had just got upset that Naomi didn't seem to realize things had changed, and they could no longer go to Goa, because there were more important things that needed attending to in Bristol. Suddenly, Naomi was no longer the one running, but the one desperately trying to keep their relationship together.

A few months later, Naomi brought up university again, saying they both might as well enroll if they weren't taking a gap year. Somehow she managed to get Emily's input, and they decided that Naomi would go to Goldsmiths, and Emily would go to Bristol University. Naomi had felt uneasy about the decision, because Emily hadn't seemed incredibly happy with it, but Naomi wasn't going to let go of all her hard work and dreams because some mad therapist murdered one of her friends. She thought it would be okay, because despite the fact that the communication between the two of them was pretty much non existent, they were almost back to how their relationship was before Naomi cheated.

Naomi hugs her pillow a bit tighter, trying to keep the tears from forming, as they always do when she thinks about the last few months of her relationship. They had always been hot and cold around each other. Naomi should have seen the warning signs, she should have realized that going back to how they were before she had cheated wasn't necessarily good. They had made it work the first two months of University, but soon, very soon things got out of control.

Emily started hinting that Naomi should never have left, and Naomi started getting distant because once again Emily wasn't listening to her wants and needs. Naomi had never had much patience, and she was much better at running, then trying to keep a relationship together. She felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and she didn't know what to do anymore to make the relationship work. It all ended on a Saturday.

_Naomi gazes down at her girlfriend who is snuggled against her chest, her legs adorably tangled in the sheets like they are every morning. Emily had arrived the night before, and as always Naomi was incredibly happy to see her. They spent the evening laughing, eating, talking, and making love, finally falling asleep early morning. Naomi is extremely happy, and she thinks maybe, just maybe, things are finally getting better. Emily stirs slightly in her arms, and Naomi leans down to press a kiss against her forehead. Emily murmurs a few incomprehensible words against Naomi's chest as she slowly wakes up._

"_Good morning." Naomi says leaning down to capture Emily's lips in a kiss, she pulls back rather quickly when Emily doesn't reciprocate. "Is something wrong Em?"_

_Her stomach clenches when Emily takes a deep breath, and Naomi knows Emily's about to say something serious from the look on her face._

"_It's time for you to come home Naomi." Emily says, and Naomi immediately pulls away from her._

"_I thought we sorted this out." _

"_Naomi, I can't do this without you. Katie's a complete mess. My parents are still a complete mess. I don't understand why you can't just go to Bristol University."_

"_That's not my dream Em. I don't understand why you still refuse to understand this." Naomi quickly gets off the bed away from Emily, and starts pulling on random clothes from the floor._

"_So I don't matter enough to you then? You can get your degree anywhere and still be successful Naomi. I really don't understand what the big deal is."_

"_The big deal is Emily," Naomi's voice rises higher and higher with each word, "You don't really listen to me. I've been trying for months to work through our problems. I thought after the shed we would both try, but you are still suffocating me. You are still the demanding girlfriend who refused to let me go to a silly open day."_

"_An open day where you cheated." Emily adds quietly._

"_Really Emily? I thought we were done with that. This relationship works both ways, and if you are going to be like this, then I don't think this will work." Naomi waves her hands between them feeling the tears in her eyes._

_Emily looks down quickly, "Oh."_

"_I can't do this Emily." Naomi grabs her jacket and quickly leaves the flat. She's five blocks away when she realizes what she implied. She runs back to the flat, and finds Emily in tears sitting right where she left her._

"_Em. I'm sorry. I just... I need you to work with me." she tries to envelop Emily in her arms, but Emily pushes her arms away. Naomi feels her heart breaking with every tear that escapes Emily's beautiful eyes._

"_You're still running away, and I can't...I can't do this either Naomi." Emily sobs out, quickly putting on her clothes from last night, and Naomi is reminded forcibly of the time she left Naomi's bedroom with messed up hair, and fake bruises because Naomi wasn't brave enough to say I want you, please stay, I love you. But now, Naomi's braver, but she still doesn't know what to say, because she's not the only one in the wrong here, and she knows it, so she watches Emily dress and grab her suitcase. She follows her to the door. Everything feels surreal, and Emily's still crying when she leans up and gives Naomi a soft kiss on the cheek, and Naomi can feel their tears mixing, and she wants to pull Emily closer, keep her here, but she doesn't know what to do, so she lets Emily walk out the door._

_When she hears the elevator door close, she slumps to the floor sobbing. _

Naomi hastily wipes the tears from her face_, _and glances at her clock. 7:53. Her alarm will be going off in seven minutes. She turns over onto her back. Naomi really thought that her and Emily would be alright. She thought that Emily would call and apologize, but one week turned into two weeks, and two weeks turned into a month, and Emily never called. Several times Naomi thought about calling and apologizing, but she knew one person couldn't hold together a relationship. She learned a lot from the aftermath of the Sophia incident. Besides, maybe it was better this way. Her and Emily never seemed to stay happy for too long, and this way she wouldn't keep breaking Emily's heart.

A month had turned into several months, and Naomi threw herself into her school work. She refused to date, and she build up her walls higher then they had ever been. No one was going to hurt her like Emily did. Several months turned into years. She graduated from Goldsmiths with a BA (hons) in Economics, Politics, and Public Policy, and is now in her first week at Imperial College studying Sustainable Energy Futures. Naomi isn't sure when the end began for her and Emily, but when Emily left Naomi's that fateful day, she didn't just leave with her suitcase, she left with Naomi's heart. Even after everything Emily still has Naomi's heart.

**Nervous. I hope the switch between past and present was clear enough. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. **

**As always, enjoy!**

Naomi is picking up a pack of fags later that morning when she swears she sees Emily walking down the street past the shop.

She shoves her money at the cashier, and runs out the shop door. The red haired, petite figure, she thought she saw was no where in sight. Naomi stands on the side walk, physically turning in circles looking for the girl.

"Fuck sakes." She mutters to herself when she realizes what she is doing. Maybe she actually is going insane? She's now having hallucinations about Emily so that must mean she's going fucking mental. Naomi immediately feels guilty at that thought. She's not going crazy, it's just because she had a fucking dream about Emily, woke up and thought about Emily for a fucking hour. It's not okay to call herself mental when people around the globe, including one of her friends, suffer from mental illnesses.

Naomi fumbles in her pocket for the pack of fags she bought, before she remembered she left them on the counter in the shop. Sighing, she turns around, and makes her way back to the shop.

The cashier raises her eyebrows in amusement before handing the pack over. Naomi gratefully lights one once she is back outside. Inhaling deeply, she decides she's got to put an end to this right now. She can't start thinking she's seeing Emily every time she sees a petite girl with red hair. That ended six months or so after they broke up. She cannot go back to that. Naomi decides she is going to go to class, then study in the library, and forget all about Emily.

Not that Naomi Campbell can ever really forget anything about Emily Fitch.

Her plan works incredibly well until she starts to feel her stomach practically eating itself at around four in the afternoon. Realizing she hasn't ate anything since breakfast, Naomi decides she'll go down to the café on the lower floor of the library for a break and a bite to eat.

She's not expecting what the universe has planned for her. Naomi almost makes it to the counter when she sees her, and suddenly Naomi's frozen, because Emily is here, and it's not her imagination.

Emily sits on the other side of the room, with a textbook in front of her. Her perfect hand holds a pen with which she is casually taking notes. Naomi hungrily takes in her features, looking for any changes. Emily looks slightly older, and more mature, even though Naomi can't quite pinpoint what exactly has changed in her features to make her look that way. This change does, however, bring Naomi slamming back to reality.

It's been three years. Three years since she last saw the girl. Of course things are going to be different. She doesn't know Emily anymore. She doesn't know what she's like, or how to talk to her anymore. She doesn't know her favourite television show, she doesn't know if her favourite colour is the same, she doesn't even know what fucking degree Emily ended up getting, and it makes Naomi feel sick to her stomach. She needs to get out of there; she cannot let Emily see her.

Naomi begins to walk back towards the entrance. She keeps turning around to glance at Emily, and it's probably not the best idea because if Emily saw her leaving she would probably be furious. She finally gets to the exit, and she looks back one more time at Emily. She doesn't think Emily noticed her leaving, and she's grateful, but also incredibly sad.

Naomi keeps walking, unaware of where she is heading, her mind full of Emily. Naomi lights a fag the second she gets outside. Why is Emily here at Imperial College? It doesn't make sense. Naomi is blocks away from the school, when it clicks. Emily was studying. Emily was studying in the library, which means she might be a student. Naomi feels a sudden rush of pride that Emily might have gotten into such a good school, but it's short lived, and soon she begins to panic. Emily and her might be going to the same school, and that means the chances of running into each other are high, despite the fact that there are thousands of students at the university.

Naomi is almost full on panicking when she notices where her footsteps have carried her. Effy's flat. She probably shouldn't even be here, she hasn't stepped foot in Effy's flat for seven months, which is really inexcusable now that they live so close to each other. She sends Effy texts every few weeks just to check up on her, and it suddenly strikes Naomi how much she has neglected this friendship. She remembers how happy Effy was when she was able to move out on her own a year ago. Naomi also remembers how concerned she had been for Effy's safety, but Effy was an adult, and had been given the clear to live on her own by a collection of mental health experts, so Naomi smiled, and for the first few months she frequently visited. Then life got in the way, and she stopped visiting.

Naomi pushes aside all thoughts of Emily. She is going to be a good friend to Effy, for once, and focus on her.

Taking a deep breath, Naomi knocks on the door. She's entirely surprised when Katie opens the door, and it feels like a kick to the stomach because it's such a reminder that Emily exists, and Naomi really doesn't want to be thinking of Emily right now.

"What the fuck are you doing here Campbell?" demands Katie, forever quick on getting to the point.

"I could ask you the same question." Naomi snaps back immediately.

"Oh don't give me that shit, I'm Effy's best friend. You, on the other hand aren't really her friend are you?" Katie asks, raising one eyebrow, daring Naomi to argue with her.

Naomi really wants to protest to that, because she cares about Effy, but honestly Katie has a point. Katie might have been a bitch to her for most of her life, but if there is one thing that Naomi knows, it's that Katie is extremely protective of those she cares about, and she has always called Naomi on her bullshit.

"I'm here to see Effy." she replies because she knows arguing with Katie Fitch won't get her anywhere near Effy, and she actually really does want to see how Effy's doing.

"You haven't visited in months. You have no right to be here Naomi. Besides she's not here right now."

Naomi frowns at that, because then why is Katie in Effy's flat? Surely, if she is visiting, she would have gone with Effy, to wherever Effy is? It makes Naomi think Katie's lying to her.

"Then why are you, and not with Effy, Katiekins?" Naomi knows the nickname pisses Katie off, and she really needs to take out her emotions on someone. Besides, Katie's being a bitch. She might not have visited Effy in a long time, but it doesn't mean she doesn't have a right to.

"Fuck off Campbell, I live here. Effy's grocery shopping, she likes to, she finds it calming. Not that it's really any of your fucking business."

And Naomi really doesn't know what to say to that, because if anyone told her in college that Effy Stonem and Katie Fitch would one day be roommates she would have laughed in their face. It also reinforces that maybe Katie's right, she clearly doesn't know anything about what is going on in Effy's life, but she pushes that thought aside, because she wants to see Effy, and she's not backing down.

"Oh, well, can I wait for her then?" Naomi hates how small her voice sounds, because she really doesn't want Katie to win this argument.

"Why should I let you? You don't even care about her."

"I care about her. She's my friend. Look Katie, I'm sorry I haven't been around, but it doesn't mean I don't care."

"Then where were you five months ago when she tried to kill herself, again?" Katie asks crossing her arms.

That shuts Naomi up. She didn't know, and it reinforces, again, how much she's neglected the people in her life. She really didn't mean to, but life got in the way, and if she was really honest with herself she hated how visiting with old friends always caused her thoughts to drift to Emily, because fuck, all the memories involve Emily. Naomi feels tears forming in her eyes, because she never meant to abandon Effy like she did, and really, when did she become such a crier? She knew the girl was fragile, even if she had been doing better, and Naomi should have stuck around. Sure, Naomi wasn't one to sit and do nails with friends, but it didn't mean she didn't have friends. It didn't mean that she didn't care about them.

"I... I didn't know." She says when she finally finds her voice.

"Exactly." Katie goes to shut the door, but Naomi's not having it, and she puts her foot forward to stop the door.

"Seriously Naomi. Why the fuck are you even here?" Katie's barely controlled temper finally snapping.

"I..." Naomi tries, but then immediately shuts her mouth, because she's not really sure why she ended up here. She saw Emily, and her feet carried her where they carried her.

Naomi thinks she sees Katie's eyes soften a bit, but a second later she knows she is clearly wrong, because Katie's in her face, and Naomi decides it's time to give up. She really doesn't want to get hit. So she turns around, and makes her way down the five steps that lead up to the door.

"You've seen Emily haven't you?" Katie's voice rings out behind her, and Naomi stops in her tracks because for the fourth time today, Katie has surprised the shit out of her. She turns around to face Katie, and she's surprised because Katie doesn't look angry anymore, if anything she looks sympathetic, which is a really odd emotion to see on Katie's face.

"Come in then." Katie says, waving inside the flat, before Naomi can say anything. Naomi's not sure if she wants to go inside anymore, because while Katie doesn't look angry, she's still Emily's twin, and Effy's best friend. However, she still wants to see Effy, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't interested in what Katie had to say about Emily.

Hitching up the bag on her shoulder, she quickly makes her way inside the flat. It's different from the last time she was here, it's not just blank walls anymore, and she can immediately tell Katie lives here, even if there is no leopard print in sight. It seems Katie has finally gotten over that particular phase. Naomi's also sure there is no annoying male roommate named Steve, because it seems Katie has replaced him for that particular position.

Katie leads her to the kitchen, which is painted a deep green, with art on the walls, and magnets on the fridge. It makes Naomi happy, because while she doesn't really like Katie, she seems to have made this place into a sort of home, and while Naomi is sure Effy doesn't say a word about it, she knows the girl is probably incredibly grateful.

Katie switches on the kettle, and an awkward silence descends around the kitchen.

"So, when do you think Effy will be back?." Naomi says as Katie hands her a cup of tea.

"I don't know. Like I said earlier grocery shopping calms her."

"Oh." Naomi simply says before taking a sip of tea. She's painfully aware of the fact that Katie and her have never been in the same room alone for more then five minutes, let alone had tea together. She's also painfully aware that the last time she saw Katie she was still in a relationship with Emily. She should probably be grateful it's been so long since the breakup, otherwise Katie would have most definitely hit her, and while she would never admit it aloud Katie could throw a punch.

"So, you saw Emily then?" Katie is playing with her nails, and Naomi realizes how insanely awkward this must be for her.

"Yea. She was in the library café. I didn't speak to her though, in case you were worried."

Naomi immediately realizes that may have been the wrong thing to say as Katie's head snaps up, and she glares at Naomi.

"Fuck you. I'm not her fucking guardian." Katie shouts.

"Used to be."

"Key words babes, used to be. I'm not that person anymore, I thought you would've noticed that the last year of college. Never hit you for fucking cheating did I? I worried about her, still do, but I don't control her life anymore." Katie says in a quieter, but still deadly voice.

Naomi's suddenly struck by how mature Katie has become. She knew it had started sometime during their last year of college, but honestly she was to involved in the shit going on with her and Emily to really notice.

"Yeah." Naomi says, and an awkward silence falls between them again.

"You know, I may worry about Emily, and generally side with her, and I may not like you, but she was as much at fault for the breakup as you were." Katie says after a few minutes, glancing up at Naomi.

Naomi doesn't really know what to say to that, so she inclines her head slightly and takes a rather large gulp of tea, almost chocking on it. Naomi doesn't want to talk about Emily really, so she grasps onto the only person they can talk about that isn't Emily.

"How's Effy doing?" Naomi asks taking another sip of tea.

Katie sighs sadly before speaking. "She's ok. Has good and bad days. She almost had to return to the hospital after she tried to kill herself this time." Naomi lowers her head, because she really should have been around more, since she was Effy's only friend in London at the time. "But we managed to prevent that by me moving here. I should've done it earlier."

Naomi looks up at this because Katie's voice is filled with guilt, and she may not like Katie, but Katie has been a wonderful fucking friend to Effy, and she really has no reason to feel any guilt.

"Katie, you couldn't have prevented it."

Katie simply shrugs, her eyes sad, as she gets up from the table.

"Emily is a student at Imperial in case you were wondering." Katie says with her back facing Naomi while she rinses out her tea cup.

Naomi looks down into her tea. Her heartbeat picked up at Katie's words, and she's trying to push away the voice in her head that is saying 'It's another chance. Another chance to make it work.', because that's simply not how life works. You may get a second, maybe even a third chance, but you definitely don't get a fourth, fifth, or whatever fucking chance Naomi would be on.

Katie's almost out of the kitchen before she turns to face Naomi again.

"If you are going to fuck off again on Effy, please leave." and with those parting words, Katie leaves the kitchen, and Naomi is once again left to her thoughts.

She's not going to fuck up this time. She's going to be a better friend to Effy. Effy deserves that much. She's also not going to let Emily destroy her, not again, because she knows she wouldn't survive that.

So, thirty minutes later when she hears the lock turn, she straightens up in her chair, pushes every Emily thought aside, and gets ready to greet her friend.

**I know this was a lot of Katie/Naomi interaction about Effy, but I find it important. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for the reviews. :) They mean a lot.**

**As always, enjoy!**

It's been almost three weeks since Naomi saw Emily in the library cafe. She tried to pretend it didn't matter to her, that is was for the best, but without fail she tracked every petite girl with red hair, only to be disappointed when they didn't have a button nose, or wide brown eyes. In fact if Katie hadn't told her that Emily went to Imperial she may never have believed that she had saw Emily in the first place.

Naomi also found herself spending more and more time in the library cafe. Surely, Emily would come back to the cafe eventually? Not that she was spending time in the library cafe because of Emily, that would be extremely stalkerish, and desperate, and Naomi was neither of those two things.

The one good thing that came out of this situation was Naomi had repaired her friendship with Effy. She had been visiting almost every day, and while neither of them spoke much, she could tell Effy appreciated it. Truth be told, it was helping Naomi also. It successfully put Emily out of her mind, and Katie was normally working when Naomi visited, so she didn't even have to be reminded of Emily's existence.

Naomi finds herself on a cold, rainy wednesday, studying in the library cafe again. Her classes were shit, and studying wasn't going well. She had gone through at least three cups of coffee, which was probably a bad idea, because now she was ten times more fidgety then she had been when she got here. She finally slams her textbook shut, and gives up. Throwing everything in her bag, she quickly makes her way out of the library. She's halfway home when she gets a text from Effy.

**Come over.**

Naomi stares at the text for a minute, considers sending a reply saying she needs to study, but she promised she would be a better friend. Besides, Effy had never asked her to come over before, and that concerned her. Naomi immediately turns in the direction of Effy's flat, walking quickly while typing a reply to Effy.

**Heading over. U ok? **

Naomi's ready to hail a cab if Effy doesn't respond, cursing herself that she didn't have the foresight to get Katie's number. Her fears are lessened in less then a minute.

**Yes. **

Naomi decides to hail a cab anyway, because asking for something is extremely out of character for Effy, even if she is different than the girl she was during college. Naomi fidgets the entire cab ride, which is only a few minutes, considering how close to each other they live.

"You took a cab here?" Effy smirks the minute she opens the door.

Naomi doesn't even bother asking her how she knew that. She learned a long time ago that Effy had a way of knowing everything. It used to weird her out, now she doesn't really mind.

"I told you I was fine." Effy says following Naomi into the kitchen.

Naomi doesn't respond. She wants to kick herself for automatically thinking the worst. Shrugging off her jacket and bag, she sits down at the table.

"Emily taught you something."

Naomi's head whips up at that, because really why the fuck did Effy have to bring up Emily?

"Excuse me?" Naomi snaps.

Effy shrugs, and sits down at the table across from Naomi. Naomi crosses her arms, sending a death glare at Effy, because she really needs to learn to explain herself. It's one of the most infuriating parts of being friends with Effy.

"Well are you going to explain?" she states when Effy doesn't move or speak.

"She taught you to show that you care."

Naomi looks down at her hands because it's true. Before she dated Emily, she never showed that she cared, not to anyone, though to be fair she didn't really have anyone to care about before Emily. Aside from her Mum that is. Emily changed everything, but she doesn't want to think about that.

"How are you?" Naomi asks once she's successfully pushed all Emily thoughts aside.

"I want to talk about how you are." Effy leans back in her chair, and catches Naomi eyes.

"I asked you first." Naomi frowns as Effy chuckles.

"Oh Naomi, I'm glad your around again really. But, I know something prompted you to show up again, and I don't even need to ask to know Emily's the reason I found you in my kitchen three weeks ago. I asked you over here because I want to talk about how you are." Effy raises her eyebrow at Naomi, and Naomi can totally tell that her and Katie live together, because it's such a Katie expression, and at any other time she'd laugh, but she's a little too annoyed to laugh at the moment.

"You're really fucking infuriating you know that?" Naomi replies glaring at Effy, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I know." Effy says without breaking eye contact.

Naomi sighs, she knows she's not getting away without answering.

"Fine. I saw Emily in the library cafe the day I showed up, and I just found myself here. Katie put me in my place real fast... bitch." Naomi chuckles, and she notes Effy's small smile, "but Katie said some things, and I decided I'd been a terrible friend. So here I am trying to be better. I'm fine."

"You didn't speak to Emily."

Naomi once again looks down at her hands. Curse Effy Stonem for knowing everything. She really doesn't want to have this conversation. She doesn't understand the point of having this conversation. She can feel herself getting angry. Slowly, she shakes her head. She's not sure why she feels a bit of shame.

"Why?" Effy asks quietly, and Naomi's had enough. It's too much. Too many feelings are racing around her skull. She doesn't want to talk or think about Emily. She doesn't want to ask herself why, she just wants to get away. Naomi quickly gets up from the table, grabs her bag, and jacket. Effy doesn't look the least bit surprised.

"I know you still love her." Effy calls from the kitchen as Naomi's walking out the door, and it takes all Naomi's effort not to slam the door.

Naomi lights up a fag, tryig to calm down, and begins walking home. What the fuck? Effy had no right to bring up Emily. It was a silent agreement she seemed to have with all her friends: don't mention Emily, but of course Effy had to press her buttons. Besides, she's not in love with Emily. She may not be completely over her, but she certainly doesn't love her. She won't love someone who broke her heart.

The closer she gets to home, the worse she feels. She feels bad for running out on Effy, but she is also still angry at her. Surprisingly, she's the most angry at Emily, because that girl should not still be able to control her like this. It wasn't fair. She wasn't Emily's anymore, and Emily wasn't hers anymore. Except she wanted Emily to be hers still, which was ridiculous because it's been three years. She should have moved on by now, she's sure Emily has. Emily probably has some ridiculous hot girlfriend, because Emily is beautiful, and caring, and not such a fuck up.

Naomi gets even angrier when she feels tears forming in her eyes, because really? It's not fucking fair.

She tries to ignore the tears, as she searches her bag for her keys. Finally, locating them, she lets herself into her flat. She hopes her flatmates are no where around, because she really doesn't want to talk to anyone. She doesn't want someone asking her why she's crying. Again.

She breathes a sigh of relief when she enters the kitchen, and no one is around. Grabbing an apple, and some yogurt, she heads to her room. She puts her bag on the floor next to her desk before shoving aside some of the take away containers, and papers and taking a seat.

Naomi puts her face in her hands, she needs to get her act together. She has university to think about, and it's not fair that Emily keeps fucking with her moods, and concentration. She almost wishes she hadn't seen Emily in the cafe, but really, she'd been waiting three years to see Emily again.

Sighing, Naomi pulls her head away from her hands, and pulls open the lid on the yogurt. She's not really hungry, but she knows she needs to eat. She's not going to let Emily take away her health also.

Once Naomi's finished eating, she pulls out her schoolwork, and somehow manages to get through the minimum she needs to for the next day. It's after midnight when she finishes, and she gratefully retires to bed, hoping that Emily doesn't make an appearance in her dreams.

The next day is torture. Naomi didn't sleep well, and she feels terrible for walking out on Effy the day before. It seems immature, and incredibly rude now that she has calmed down. She had promised herself she would be a better friend to Effy, and she had now failed, again.

Once lectures are finally over, Naomi decides to grab some takeaway and bring it to Effy's flat and apologize, even if it means answering Effy's invasive questions. She still doesn't really think it's fair that Effy basically cornered her the night before to try and force her to talk about her feelings, but she promised she'd be a better friend, and that means not disappearing again.

Noami stands outside the flat, one hand grasps a large paper bag of takeaway, while the other runs through her peroxide blond hair. She's trying to calm herself down, and prepare herself for whatever Effy might say about Emily. As she knocks on the door to the flat, she reminds herself, as she has been doing for the past three weeks, that she's here for Effy, and Emily is not allowed anywhere in her brain during the visit.

So, she's not prepared when Emily herself answers the door. Naomi feels all her air rush out of her lungs. Emily's beautiful, and right in front of her. Her hair is longer, but the same shade. Her brown eyes widened in surprise, and Naomi has a strong urge to either run, or pull Emily into her arms. She wonders for a moment why Emily is here, before she realizes that this is Katie's flat also, and Emily studies at Imperial, so of course she must visit frequently, and really Naomi was stupid not to think about that. Taking a deep breath, she breaks a little smile before addressing the beautiful girl in front of her.

"Emily. Hi."

**This chapter is a bit short, I know. But, chapter 4 is already longer than this, and I'm not even finished writing it yet. :) Hope you all liked this chapter. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Naomi. Umm, what..." Emily clears her throat softly, "what are you doing here?"

"Brought Effy dinner." Naomi replies lifting the take away for emphasis.

"Oh. You've been visiting her again?" Emily asks playing with the hem of her worn out jumper.

"Yeah."

Emily nods once, then opens the door a bit wider. "Well come in then. She's in her room."

"Thanks." Naomi walks into the flat, careful to put as much space between her and Emily as possible as she passes her. She walks quickly, the tension is unbearable. Her left foot is on the sixth step of the staircase that leads to the second floor, when she hears Emily softly call her name. She scrunches closed her eyes for a second, before reopening them, and turning to face Emily, who's standing at the bottom of the stairs. Naomi's hand comes up to rest on the hand rail. "yeah?"

Emily opens and closes her mouth a few times, still playing with the hem of her jumper, eyes darting from Naomi's eyes to a spot above Naomi's right shoulder.

"I just. How have you been?"

Naomi has to bite her cheek to keep from snapping at Emily. This isn't them, they have never been awkward around each other, even when Emily was chasing her throughout their first year of college. But, there isn't a them anymore, so instead Naomi replies "I'm fine. Just in Uni. You?"

"Alright. Been busy. Studying at Imperial." Emily states still avoiding Naomi's eyes.

"I know. So do I." Emily looks shocked, and Naomi taps the railing a few times, before turning around abruptly attempting to get to Effy's room as fast as possible without it being blantly obvious. She's not sure why she told Emily that she knows she studies at Imperial, that she herself studies at Imperial, but it just came out. Maybe she wanted to see Emily's reaction. Naomi pauses once she reaches Effy's room. The door is open, and Effy sits as still as a statue, staring out the window. Naomi knocks lightly on the door frame to get her attention.

Effy doesn't move, doesn't say anything, and if Naomi wasn't used to it, it would scare the crap out of her. She walks up to the bed, and Effy finally looks up when she sets the take away beside her.

"Hey Effy." Naomi says taking a seat beside her friend.

"What's this for then?" Effy says nodding slightly towards the take away.

"Yesterday."

Effy doesn't say anything, instead she hands Naomi a fag, and lights one herself. Naomi gratefully inhales, allowing the toxins to calm her racing mind after her unexpected meeting with Emily.

"How'd it go?" Effy asks after a minute or so of silence. Naomi doesn't need to ask what she's talking about, she can only be talking about Emily.

Naomi stubs out the fag in the ashtray next to Effy, and pulls the take away bag open. She hands Effy one of the containers, while setting her own on her lap.

"Shit." Naomi says once they begin eating.

Effy just nods, and Naomi's grateful that she doesn't have to talk about it. She doesn't want to acknowledge out loud how awkward her and Emily now are around each other. They eat in silence, and once their take away containers have been cast aside, Effy pulls out a spliff.

"Are you allowed to do drugs?" Naomi asks because she's pretty sure that drugs were a big part of what caused Effy's first episode in college.

"I don't think anyone is technically allowed to do drugs in England." Effy smirks lighting the spliff and taking a hit before handing it to Naomi. Naomi looks at it for a minute, and then decides fuck it, because maybe it will get Emily out of her mind.

Twenty minutes later, she's feeling much better. Effy is just sitting observing her while she laughs, and recounts her unexpected run in with Emily.

"It's just awkward Effy. I mean, I pretty much ran to your room after." Naomi says while clutching her stomach. It's not funny really, but it seems funny now, and fuck this is some good stuff if she can be laughing about Emily. "Katie's going to kill me."

"Why?"

"We are both high as fuck."

Effy just shrugs before lying down next to Naomi.

"Emily still misses you, you know."

Naomi plays with the edge of the blanket she is laying on, because she doesn't really know what to do with that information. She's not even sure if she should let herself believe it, but she can feel a warmth in her chest, that only means one thing. Hope.

"Fuck sakes babe how much weed did you smoke, the entire hallway could get me high. Oh hi Naomi." Naomi and Effy turn to see Katie standing in the doorway. Naomi's relieved she doesn't look angry, because she's way too comfortable to stand up to an angry Katie Fitch.

"I was going to make dinner, but it looks as if you've eaten." Katie says motioning towards the empty take away, and Effy simply shrugs. "You know shrugging isn't an answer right babes?" Effy shrugs again, and Katie huffs before making her exit.

"She never changes, does she?" Naomi chuckles.

"She's changed." Effy says tenderly.

"I just meant."

"I know."

Naomi looks at her watch, and shit she's been at Effy's for over two hours.

"Shit. I've been here a long time. I need to go study." Naomi says, but doesn't move.

She sits in silence for a few moments before voicing the one thing on her mind.

"I'm scared to go downstairs. I'm scared I'm going to run into her." Naomi says quietly.

"I know."

Naomi sighs, and rubs her face a few times, before sitting up on the bed.

"Why's this so hard Effy?"

"Because you love her."

Naomi almost makes a scathing remark, but it's true so she simply sighs in defeat.

"You know Emily once told me to be brave? I'm not brave."

"Yes you are Naomi." Effy says turning to look at her friend.

"I let her go. That wasn't brave." Naomi says picking at the blanket.

"It wasn't working at the time Naomi. You were brave in letting her go."

Naomi sighs. "Once again I'm talking about my own shit. How are you doing Effy?"

Effy laughs at that, before glasping Naomi's hand in hers and giving it a slight squeeze. "I'm good, Katie's a big help, you coming over is nice."

Naomi smiles at that.

"Now go be brave." Effy says giving Naomi's back a slight push. Naomi sighs and gets off the bed. She grabs her school bag, and swings it over one shoulder.

"I'll call you. Maybe we can even get out of this fucking house some time?"

"Sure." Effy states, and Naomi just stands there until Effy speaks again. "Now stop stalling."

Naomi chuckles, before leaving the room. She feels lighter then she has in months, and while she is nervous about perhaps running into Emily downstairs, she still has that tiny bit of hope in her. She's almost at the front door before Katie intercepts her.

"Emily's in the kitchen." She says simply.

Naomi raises her eyebrow. "So?"

"I think you should talk to her."

"Why?" Naomi knows Katie's changed, but she still feels like she's being tricked.

Katie crosses her arms, and glares at Naomi. "Oh I don't know. You go to the same Uni. You will undoubtedly run into each other here. You both are unhappy. Just fucking go in the kitchen Campbell."

"You actually want me talking to your sister? Wow, you have changed Katiekins."

"Oh fuck off." Katie points to the kitchen. "Go."

Naomi rolls her eyes, before pulling up the strap on her bag, and walking into the kitchen. Emily's sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over a textbook. It's amazing that after all these years, after all the shit they have put each other through, that the sight of Emily Fitch still makes her breath catch, and her heart flutter.

"Hey" Naomi says softly.

Emily looks up in shock, before a small smile graces her face.

"Katie sent me in here." Naomi shrugs, and that probably wasn't the right thing to say, but Emily doesn't look upset, so she reckons that's a good thing.

"Oh."

"Yea. So I thought I'd come in and say hey."

Emily chuckles, and god Naomi's missed that sound. "Well hello then." Emily says smiling, and Naomi laughs at the adorableness of the simple sentence.

"So you study at Imperial then?" Emily asks.

"Yea. Um. Sustainable Energy Futures."

"I never saw you as a science person."

Naomi laughs at that because it's incredibly true. "Well, I'm not. Bit out of my depth actually. Thought it sounded like a good degree though."

"Yeah it's very saving the world." Emily's brown eyes light up with laughter, and Naomi's happy because they can still joke around.

"Yeah. What are you studying?"

"Health Policy."

"So we've totally switched then? You're studying policy, and I'm studying science."

"Well I do have a degree in biology."

"Oh." Naomi looks down at her feet, because it kills her that she didn't know that.

"Will I be seeing you around then?" Emily asks, and Naomi can't help but think that Emily's already being the brave one here.

Naomi takes a deep breath, she's going to be brave. She's going to take the small hope that Effy gave her and run towards Emily with it.

"Sure. I'm on the 3rd floor of the library a lot, in the corner, by the environmental science books, if you know, you ever get bored or all the tables are full or something." Naomi struggles to look at Emily then, because she feels like she has just laid her heart out on the table with one sentence.

"Well I'll be sure to take you up on that offer." Emily says smiling at her, and Naomi instantly smiles back.

"Well, I have to go study." Naomi shifts her school bag to her other shoulder.

"Oh. Okay then. It was nice seeing you again Naomi."

"Yeah, you too Emily."

Naomi smiles as she closes the door to Effy and Katie's flat. For the first time in years, she has hope.


	5. Chapter 5

**Surprise, Surprise, this chapter isn't from Naomi's POV. **

Emily

It's been a week since Naomi showed up on Katie's doorstep with take away in hand, looking effortlessly beautiful, if a bit flustered at finding Emily on the doorstep. A week since Emily's life had been turned upside down. She never expected Naomi to fall into her life again, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't want Naomi in her life again. Naomi looked the same, she still had platinum blonde hair, she still had shocking blue eyes, and she still carried herself with a tiny hint of awkwardness. It only took Emily opening the door, to remember every reason she fell in love with her to begin with.

Emily had known that Naomi had been visiting Effy again because she had overheard Katie and Effy talking about it one night when she stayed over at their flat. It surprised her at first, because while she knew that Naomi and Effy had some sort of friendship, it never striked her as particularly strong. Emily had assumed, when Katie had mentioned that Naomi was helping Katie move Effy into a flat in London that Naomi was just being the kind, humanitarian that Gina had brought her up to be. Apparently, she had been wrong, Naomi and Effy seemed to have a stronger friendship then Emily had ever noticed.

Not that she noticed that much her final year of college, she had been too upset with Naomi, and spent way too much of her time completely smashed to notice. She hadn't even realized her sister, and Effy had suddenly became friends until the shed, when her heart felt whole again, and she noticed them taking shots, laughing and dancing together. She was proud of Naomi, it seemed that Naomi was drastically more mature than the girl she fell in love with at fourteen. If Emily was honest with herself, she really noticed the change after the shed, Naomi had stopped running away from her, and it was almost as if they switched places the last year of their relationship. Emily hadn't meant to run, she was just trying to help Katie, and help her parents, but she had ruined her relationship with Naomi because she still blamed Naomi for everything that ever went wrong in their relationship. She had been selfish, even if at the time, she had thought that Naomi was the only one being selfish. Emily should have not fought with Naomi about Goldsmiths, but she did, and she has had to deal with the consequences since.

Emily was therefore surprised when Naomi had walked into the kitchen after visiting with Effy. Emily hadn't expected Naomi to seek her out, Naomi had been nice to her on the doorstep, and on the stairs, but Emily knew that she had absolutely no reason to expect Naomi to want to talk to her. But, Naomi had, even if apparently Katie had meddled, and the conversation was nice. There was barely any awkwardness, they laughed, and at the end, after Emily asked "Well, will I be seeing you around then?" because she couldn't not ask, Naomi seemed to make it clear that Emily could find her, and talk to her if she choose to.

So here Emily was, a week later, staring up at the library. Her eyes locked on a window that was on the third floor. She had been staring at that window for a least half an hour. She wasn't even sure if Naomi was in the library, and it would be really fucking awkward if Naomi came walking up to the library now, and saw Emily standing there. Every few minutes, Emily would hug the books in her arms to her chest, and take a few steps forward, before immediately taking a few steps back.

"Fuck." Emily sighs to herself, after once again stepping towards the entrance only to step backwards again. Sighing, she walks over to the book drop, and drops her two library books in the bin, before leaving. Maybe another day.

Shooting off a text to Katie telling her she's heading over she walks straight to Katie's flat. She spends quite a bit of time there, but after last week she specifically asked Effy to tell her when Naomi was visiting, so that she could choose whether she wanted to see her or not. Apparently, Effy and Katie had been working together to ensure that Naomi and Emily didn't accidently run into eachother, and that worked fine up until Naomi's unexpected visit last week. Emily was grateful to Effy and Katie for doing that, even if she never actually said thank you.

Unlocking the door, Emily walks into the flat. Before she even gets into the kitchen, Katie is upon her.

"I thought you were going to the library to see if you would run across Naomi?" Katie asks, and Emily is surprised at her tone.

"Who says I didn't?"

"Did you?" Katie asks without missing a beat.

"No."

Katie just gives her a look that says exactly before yelling up the stairs "Effy you're going to make sure Emily walks into the library tomorrow."

"Katie! I can make my own choices." Emily protests.

"Clearly you can't. I'm just trying to help, yeah?" Katie says before walking into the kitchen. Emily looks up at Effy who has appeared at the top of the stairs fag in hand. She just shrugs at Emily before walking down the stairs.

Grumbling, Emily walks into the kitchen with Effy.

"Fuck sakes Effy! Haven't I asked you to smoke outside, I don't want this bloody place smelling like an ash tray."

Effy smirks, and stubs out the fag in the sink, before grabbing three mugs for the tea Katie is currently making.

Katie turns serious once she sets a mug in front of Emily on the table, before sitting across from her. Effy just climbs onto the counter, and sits there watching the twins.

"So why didn't you go in the library Ems? You were excited when you left here this morning."

"I just couldn't." Emily replies staring into her tea.

"But you wanted to?"

"Yeah."

"Well then what is stopping you?" Katie asks softly.

"What if she still hates me?"

Katie snorts at that. Emily glares at her, before looking up at Effy who is smirking.

"I don't think Campbell has ever hated you Ems." Katie says taking a sip of tea.

Emily shrugs, and looks back into her tea mug, trying to ignore the prickling sensation in the corner of her eyes that is forwarning of tears. She hears Katie get up, and the next second Katie is hugging her.

"This, is why Effy's going to go with you tomorrow. You're miserable, and you don't have to be. Both Naomi and you made mistakes, alright." Katie says before releasing Emily. Emily let's out a small smile, because here is Katie, caring, being the sister she always wanted, and needed.

"Ok. But I can make my own decisions Katie."

"She knows." Effy replies from the counter, and Katie smiles at Effy, before taking Effy's mug and refilling it.

* * *

><p>The next afternoon finds Effy and Emily standing looking at the library.<p>

"I won't make you go in." Effy says softly. Emily smiles, because she knew that.

"I know. I should though?"Emily asks, she desperately needs reassurance that this isn't crazy, and Effy with her all knowing ways, has always been able to make her feel a bit more confident.

"You should." Effy states, and they both walk towards the entrance. When they get to the entrance, Effy gives her a slight smile, before heading over to a bench, and taking a seat.

Emily takes a deep breath before walking in. She almost goes back outside when she reaches the cafe, and then again when she reaches the elevators, but she doesn't. She forces herself to keep walking, and she's torn between hoping Naomi's in the library, and hoping she's not. Though, she'd probably be a bit annoyed if Naomi wasn't here, because then she got all nervous for nothing.

When Emily get's close to the section Naomi says she studies around, she begins looking at the tables, and study areas looking for planitum blonde hair. It takes a few seconds, but then she spots Naomi at one of the tables. Emily takes a minute to just watch her. Naomi's typing away at her laptop, and every few seconds she stops, frowns, rereads what she just wrote and then continues typing.

Walking up to the table, she carefully says "Naomi?" to not scare the girl. Naomi just looks around, surprise etched on her face, before she breaks out into a grin that literally makes Emily's heart want to beat out of her chest.

"Hi." Naomi says, still smiling.

"Hi. You said you studied up her sometimes." Emily says shifting her weight, feeling suddenly nervous.

Naomi nods before pointing at the seat across from her. "Care to join me on a study date?"

Emily smiles widely before placing the books in her arms on the table, and takes a seat.

"So Ems, what are you studying today?"

"Administraction at NHS hospitals." Emily replies sending a quick smiley face to Effy, to let her know Naomi's here, and therefore she's not coming back outside.

"That sounds fasinating." Naomi says dryly, and Emily can't help but giggling.

"Oh yes fasinating. And you Ms. Campbell?"

"Technical essay on offshore wind turbines."

"Fasinating."

They both break out giggling, and only stop when they get a glare from a man sitting a few tables over. Naomi scowls at him before saying "We should get on this fasinating stuff then, ehhh Ems?"

"Yeah." Emily says quietly, and Naomi smiles before beginning to type away again. Emily smiles, because this is nice, simple, just studying. Emily starts to read, thinking she wouldn't mind doing this more, even if study buddies were the only thing her and Naomi ever ended up being. She'd still take it above not ever seeing Naomi, besides, while Naomi is breathtakingly georgeous, and Emily often finds it difficult to concentrate around her, she's always been able to study well with her. She supposes it's because Naomi has always been able to concentrate well on school, she's always been a good student, and the mood around her when she's studying rubs off on those around her.

Looking up, Emily smiles, Naomi has her bottom lip caught between her teeth, frowning as she flips through a textbook laying next to her computer. _Yeah we could just be this._ Emily thinks before letting out a small, happy sigh, and starting to read again.


End file.
